I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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