My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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