Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Holy sore nipples Batman
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
