conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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