I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
