Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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