Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize