i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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