I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
