I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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