don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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