Ambien. No doubt about it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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