you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
