You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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