I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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