So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
