Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
