please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
