it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
