I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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