So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
