I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How does it feel to date your dad?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
