did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you win again, gameday.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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