Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
and she was petting her beer can
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
