that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
