textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
