I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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