ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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