Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
