you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
