If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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