This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my being single is dangerous.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
