The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Lo siento on account of my penis...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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