pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
