the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
