omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
