who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize