dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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