she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
is that a dick in a sweater?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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