I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's the barista slut.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
