It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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