i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
