I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
