Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
