Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
