dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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