you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
