forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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