god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
