Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
