Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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