seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
