I should be sponsored by Trojan
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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