U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm eating all of the evidence.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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