Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
