the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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