just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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