so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Randomize
