He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
His hands were made for my vagina.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize