Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
