he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I want her autograph on my taint
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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