Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize