I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
