I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
