girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
