genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
