It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
