You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
