just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
