Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
