Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
