No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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