he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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