whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
