i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
