She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
