thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Acid is not a monday night drug
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
