Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
