he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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