I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
