I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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