i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize