I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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