Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
