I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
