She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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