I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
