i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
