we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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