Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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