Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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