I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
