Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
