It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize